Me. At least after what I've been through.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
