guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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