Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
