i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
