I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
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