This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
