just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Hippo gnu deer
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
