So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
