You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
