He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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