I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
My dick has a subreddit
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
