8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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