don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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