I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I need to calm my uterus...
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
