I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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