What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
