Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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