Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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