You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
My vagina is very pro this idea
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
