Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
operation harelip BJ is a go
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
It's shark week go big or go home
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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