that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Just cropdusted the office
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize