bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize