Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
