The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
