I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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