you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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