i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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