I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
