The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
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it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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