xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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