i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
