I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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