theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
