Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I am naked and annoyed.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
