I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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