Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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