Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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