Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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