Swine flu. Run for my life!
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
