I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
