Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
