Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
