I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
