Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
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I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
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I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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