Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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