i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
