when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
