Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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