Nicole vs. Life
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
