btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
