so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
