I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
