nut hugger
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
