It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
