Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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