i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Also, beer. Big fan.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
