Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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