I'm jealous of your bromance
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
