Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
