3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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