I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
