you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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