morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
