Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Randomize
