Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
