no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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