dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Randomize
