I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
