i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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